Dear Amy: My international trip was interrupted by a pandemic-related issue on my way home from Europe, so I applied for reimbursement from my travel insurance for almost $10,000 worth of damage.
(I was traveling with my long-term “travel buddy” who had no problem driving home.)
I was told I would get a refund. My traveling companion knew these details well.
I was waiting for the check, which seemed very late.
My travel buddy and I met for our monthly lunch date.
At lunch, she asked me if I had ever received my insurance payment and when I said no, she pulled out an envelope from the insurance company addressed to me, but sent it to her mailing address due to an office error.
She joked that she was trying to figure out how she could cash the attached check, which was worth almost $10,000!
I replied that it is against the law to cash a check that is in someone else’s name.
I put the check in my purse and we started talking about another topic.
Now I’m wondering if I should have asked for a better explanation as to why she didn’t let me know she had the check a month ago when she first got it.
My friend grew up in India and came to the US 40 years ago in an arranged marriage.
She and her husband are retired after a long career. I know that her husband has been very controlling about money and that she sends money home to relatives. She sometimes tells me she is still confused by American customs.
I’m very disappointed in the way she handled this, but should I ask for an explanation, or just be happy she gave me my check?
– Travel insurance
Dear Travel Insured: Yes, you should be happy to have received your check and yes – you should discuss this with your friend once again.
You should explain to her that the delay in receiving the check caused you a lot of inconvenience. In the weeks she had your check in her possession, you also lost the opportunity to deposit and use that substantial amount for your own needs.
You should also ask him how things are for him at home. Does she have money worries? Her husband’s tight control over her finances may make her eager to have her own independent funds. Is there any way for her to do this?
Having complete control over money can be a form of entrapment. Your friend travels with you (away from her husband and home), but does she feel stuck in other ways?
Dear Amy: My husband’s family are extremely friendly and social people.
They prefer all gatherings to include as many people as possible.
When it comes to social gatherings, they know no bounds.
My husband and I are more introverted and prefer small gatherings.
On more than one occasion, we’ve had my in-laws around and while they’re here, they’ll get a cell phone call from another family member and invite them to “come over” to our house.
Every time this happens I am blown away by the rudeness!
It’s not that we don’t like or want to see other family members (we definitely do), but we prefer to have smaller, more personal get-togethers sometimes, and find it incredibly rude to invite others into someone’s home. other!
Am I wrong in thinking this is rude?
What should I say when this happens?
– More is not always merrier
Dearest: Apparently, your in-laws wouldn’t mind if you invited “extras” into their home. They may expect or welcome this, and not see it as rude at all, but as an extension of their clan’s open-door practice.
In their home, they can create any environment they choose.
You have the same right. Your husband needs to take the lead with his family and explain how this behavior affects both of you. And then – if this happens at your house, you’ll have to stop the behavior before the rudeness starts, saying, “Oops, no – we’re going to keep this gathering smaller.”
Dear Amy: You told “An Old Fashioned Grande” that you have a post-it note on your desk that says, “Unsolicited advice is always self-serving.”
I suggest you put another one: “Categorical statements are always wrong.”
– Not a fan
Dear Non-Fan: I promise to follow my word … if you follow yours.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy OR Facebook.)
